What does Father’s Day mean to us?
Generally, we send same cards, e- mails with wishes, a little gift ( the more useless the better), and perhaps we feel that our obligations have been fulfilled.
Tomorrow is another day, and we will return to our normal activities to get more and more of these worthless pieces of green paper…
It is easy to “ produce” a child. It does not take any wisdom, education or thinking, even a retarded person can have a child. Not much of the population realizes, however, that the fact of being a father creates a multitude of obligations- more so than rights of privileges.
Fatherhood is not just meant to show authority to the younger generation. It is a very special relationship between a big man and a little person; a relationship designed to prepare a child for survival on his/her own to prepare as well as possible. When the little one begs us to spend some time with him ( or her), our usual reaction is that the child is an impatient distraction from the matter we are preoccupied with. “ Why don’t you go and watch TV or play on the phone”
How common this answer has become in recent years?
Unbelievable is the child’s ingenuity in keeping us busy, “ Daddy, lets go fishing”; “take me for ice cream; read me a story; help me with homework; I need my bike fixed; my basketball inflated; help me with dress; .” Or simply “ just be with me”.
We usually understand the burning necessity to take care of our child. But, you know there are so many very important priorities that we must do first!
We must clean the garage, , we must buy new boiler, we must pay the bills, we mast work late at home, we must… Or we are simply tired and there is another excitingly stupid show on TV.
Toys, computers, video games, fancier and fancier bicycles, children’s programs on TV, are just a few of many kind of gadgets that turn our children’s attention away from one simple fact – that we are a family, the very basic structure of mankind.
Same of us may be able to afford plenty of material things for our sons or daughters ( whose rooms sometimes resemble toy warehouses), but there is not enough money in this world to purchase such a simple thing as fatherhood. This mus be given.
A child does not want a toy when he ask for it. A child doesn’t really want help with his homework. He can also easily dress all him self.
Yet, he desperately needs our attention, our presence, our action toward him. This is what really matters to the child.
We usually react by bursting with impatience.
Than, we make promises to the child and to ourselves, instantly becoming victims of “ same day I will” syndrome. “ Same day I will spend the whole Sunday with my family” . And in the meantime, instead of our time, we offer things to the children. Worthless, colorful, material things. No, this is not what the child expects. Don’t you understand , Daddy, that I really want you, not all this junk.
Tears of frustration or disappointment are customarily taken as the undoubted sign that the child is spoiled. “ How come you cry? I just got for you the newest bike and the coolest Army outfit. You bad boy, you will and up in a street gang”
The thoughtless, careless words often become a prophecy. Let’s not blind ourselves, let’s not full our consciousness. This situation is defined very straightforwardly: child rejection.
Now the process of separation gradually deepens and eventually the child is lost to the crowd or the street. Or to drugs.
One must realize that we live in very difficult times. Our society is structured to discourage family development. From its beginning, the family is licensed, planned, regulated, adjusted, consulted, infiltrated, government-protected… if you understand what it means.
It all negates and deprives us of traditional values that are trivialized, laughed off if not openly condemned.
Who is there to oppose this? Rush Limbaugh? No way gentleman . The parents and especially we: the Fathers!
Procreation means extension of life. To give somebody a physical life is just a start. From this point on, a living organism must became a person. Even though nobody denies male participation, it is the female who has the deciding role in creating life. The male. However, must assume most of the responsibility to make sure that the little child will be transformed into a legitimate representative of the Homo sapiens.
There are many child development theories of which one is undoubted. Schools, churches, tutors – regardless of their rank and reputation – don’t prepare a child for every day life. They just might be able to help.
I is only us , the parents, who have the specific connection with the child, a connection that allows to communicate the survival skills, such as: responsibility, the ability to adequately evaluate any situation, decision- making, assertiveness and mental self control.
And we may not forget principles, the good old traditional conservative principles that have been proven to work throughout millennials. Also, the more basic items, like the ability to learn and accommodate to actual conditions, self -defense, hunting, fishing, one’s other means of supporting
oneself and family must be taught.
And surely, we must teach our children the ability to convey all of above to their own off-spring. “As your father”, I say, “ I have to tell you something. Do not be afraid of monsters. There are no monsters. Do not be afraid of spiders. Spiders are good, they eat ugly insects. Never think of wolves as your enemies. They were created to live close to us. Don’t be scared of water, storms, tornadeos, just be wise.
But, there is a caveat! Nothing can be taught if it is not supported by example.
Once a child is expected to behave, think and feel in a certain way, the behavior cannot be enforced.
You, the father, must demonstrate it. Otherwise, no matter how much you talk, no matter how intensively you work with you children or even how much time you spend with them, you efforts will be fruitless.
Our children look up to us, and we will remain their idols to follow as long as we are consistent and make our actions agree with our words.
Our children will show us their respect and will do everything possible to be like us. Nevertheless, we must be there to earn their respect. Nothing comes easy!
Yes, being a father is difficult. But, most of us are physically and mentally predisposed to bear the monstrous weight of fatherhood. Let’s be good fathers so that they can emphatically say to their peers:
“I have the best father in the world”
Happy Father’s Day,
my children!
Bart. W.